Episode 1.2 In Which Prest Gets Over Excited
The street
In which Prest gets over excited
HOBNOB: Hi! Charlie, what in the blazes are you up to lad? Put that ladder on the cart.
CHARLIE: grunts
Sound of a ladder clanging
HOBNOB: When you’ve finished up meet me inside. I’m going to see if I can rout out Mr Mordekai for our money. Hurry up lad.
Enter Prest
PREST: Ah! Hobnob.
HOBNOB: Hullo again Mr Prest. I’m just on my way to find Mr Mordekai.
PREST: I think you’ll find him in the bosom of his dressing room. I warn you though, he is a little excitable. Perhaps it would be better to take a seat and approach him after the performance.
HOBNOB: Well I was hoping to get home in time for supper you see. Mrs Hobnob lays on a mighty fine platter, but, what the hey, I’ll stay for the show. Charlie, come along, we are going to see the great Badoochi. Many thanks again Mr Prest.
PREST: My unadulterated pleasure. Ahoy! Gaff, just the man.
Enter Gaff
GAFF: Prest. I got wind from Duncan that you wanted to open up. Where’s that monkey Elijah?
PREST: I haven’t seen him all day. The last I know he went to go and fetch himself a pie from Oatblowers, haven’t seen the scallywag since. Is Keg ready?
GAFF: Aye. He’s got his bow tie on and Dante is stretching his skin.
PREST: I beg your pardon?
GAFF: Tightening the skin on his wee drum.
PREST: Ah, good. Then everything is set and ready for the off. Can you feel it? The air is positively vibrating.
GAFF: If you say so.
PREST: No more chatter Gaff. Open the doors and shed the light of the theatre on the masses.
The back of the theatre
(Audience chatter)
HOBNOB: Right son, you sit down and stay here till I come back. Kind Mr Prest has given us these seats on the house, what do you say to that?
CHARLIE: grunts Lucky Charlie!
HOBNOB: Good lad, I’m going to see if I can find Mr Mordekai. Now don’t move until I get back. Understand?
CHARLIE: Unghh!
HOBNOB: Phew Charlie, have you just messed your breeches?…Oh Charlie!
The wings
DUNCAN: Prest, you’d better hurry up and get on. Two fights have already broken out near the back. The natives are getting restless, I’ve seen this kind of thing before. Could get nasty.
PREST: I know, but the great Badoochi has lost his lucky breeches and he wont go on without them.
DUNCAN: I’ll go and have a word. Get up there and give them your speech.
PREST: You’re right Duncan, now is the time.
DUNCAN: Don’t tell any of your jokes!
The stage
PREST: You’re attention if you will ladies and gentlemen! Welcome tonight to the grand opening of the Brick Lane Theatre House! Tonight we have for your pleasure a man who has come all the way from Italy to be with us! He can escape from the tightest bonds be they the strongest rope or the heaviest chains. No jail cell can hold him, no lock can keep him at bay. Tonight he will submerge himself in a closed tank of freezing water while ridding himself of a straight jacket in under three minutes! So, stay firmly in your seats and watch, if you will, the amazing escapological powers of…the Great Badoochi!
(Crowd cheers in expectation)
Wings
(Prest’s voice can be heard in the background)
HOBNOB: Ah, Mr Mordekai, I hoped I would find you. I’m in rather a hurry you see and I would ask you for payment in light of services rendered.
DUNCAN: Eh? Can’t you see I’m busy? This Italian nonce has got to get on stage.
HOBNOB: I’ll come and find you later then. Good luck.
DUNCAN: I’ll good luck ‘im. Come on Badoochi, get you’re arse movin’
BADOOCHI: Hey, don’t push me fatty. I’m an artist, what do you think I am, a clown?
DUNCAN: (viciously) Beg your pardon?
BADOOCHI: What? Are you deaf? You fat f…
(there is a sound of a pistol being cocked and a gasp from Badoochi)
DUNCAN: Yeah, you know what this is. Now get on stage before I put a hole in your face. Got it?
(sound of feet running upstairs to the stage. Audience cheers)
DUNCAN: I hope he drowns.
Incidental music
In which the new act drowns on stage
Sounds of thudding, thrashing and gurgling.
PREST: Right, how many times is that?
DUNCAN: Five.
PREST: Five? He said to get him out of there on three. He must be in trouble. Gaff, the winch.
GAFF: Aye, aye captain.
DUNCAN: He’s Fine, the audience are lovin’ it.
PREST: I think he’s in trouble.
DUNCAN: Piss shit! It’s part of the act.
PREST: How is that winch coming along Gaff? Do you need a hand there?
GAFF: It wont turn captain, it’s stuck fast.
PREST: We’ll have to try and open the tank by force then, Duncan lend a hand.
DUNCAN: No way! the punters can’t get enough, they’re goin’ crazy. Look at him writhing around in there. What a showman. You get up there now and you’ll spoil the atmosphere, he wont thank you for it.
PREST: Duncan, he’s going blue. Gaff, pull the curtains!
DUNCAN: Leave ‘em!! Prest, You can’t find entertainment like this.
GAFF: Er…He’s stopped moving.
PREST: That’s enough! I’ll get the curtains, Gaff, you smash the tank.
GAFF: Will do captain, though I don’t fancy our man’s chances. No one can stay under water for that long. I should know.
Curtains are pulled
stage
PREST: Ladies and gentlemen! Please, settle down and stay in your seats, the next act will be along shortly. a round of applause if you will for the death defying…The Great Badoochi!
Applause
