Episode 1.3 In which Duncan Shows His Darker Temperament
In which Duncan shows his darker temperament
Prest’s voice can be heard from the stage
DUNCAN: How’s it going there? You got him out yet?
GAFF: It’s no good, I can’t break it. Wait a minute and I’ll be back with ma Betsy.
DUNCAN: Who?
GAFF: Ma shovel, won’t be long!
DUNCAN: What do you want your bloody spade for? You can’t dig up water!
Footsteps running away
DUNCAN: Poor old Badoochi. Look at ya now. It’s like I told a friend of mine back in India. “Don’t get into anything you cant get out of in the time it takes for a gun to go off” He learned the hard way I can tell you. Shame the safety winch didn’t work. Funny. I tested it myself and it worked fine.
You got what you deserved you filth.
PREST: Duncan? Have you seen Elijah? The crowd is getting restless and I need him to do his sword swallowing routine!
DUNCAN: Can’t you see I’m having a moment here? Get lost.
PREST: Agh! I don’t believe it. Why do these things happen to me. It’s a curse, that’s what it is. My opening night, ruined!
DUNCAN: Prest…
PREST: I’ll never work again! What happens when the police get wind of this?
DUNCAN: Prest…
PREST: (Crying) Doomed I tell you, doomed to be second rate. Where is that blasted Elijah? I’ll have words for him when he turns up!
DUNCAN: Right! Prest! shut your self pitying cake hole. Do you know what you sound like? a girl who’s lost her dolly that’s what. Now get up, wipe your eyes and get back on that stage until I work out what to do. And don’t breathe a word of this to anyone else. The fewer people who know the better. Got it?
PREST: But…
DUNCAN: Leave the body to Duncan, he’ll get rid of it. No-one needs to know. As far as the punters are concerned it was all part of the act see? Put it from your mind and get back on that bloody stage before they start tearing the place up.
PREST: Yes Duncan.
Exit Prest
DUNCAN: Gaff, did you hear all that?
Enter Gaff
CHARLIE: Aye, I did. cryin’ ain’t going to solve any problems. What do you want to do?
DUNCAN: Get rid of the body. Use the trap door to the sewers and if the Bobby’s come nosin’ you don’t know nothin’ you got me?
GAFF: You can count on me Duncan. What about Prest, can he keep his mouth shut?
DUNCAN: You let me worry about that pasty faced fop. Lose the corpse.
GAFF: Captain.
DUNCAN: Gaff, what’s the spade for?
CHARLIE: I was going to use it to break open the tank.
DUNCAN: Good idea. I want first whack!
PREST: “Oh, that this too, too solid flesh, would melt,
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew:
Or that the everlasting had not fix’d
His canon ‘gainst self-slaughter. O God, O God!
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable
Seems to me all the uses of this world!…
CHARLIE: Gurgles
In which the drowned man dies twice over.
GAFF: Well, doesn’t that just take the orange. I never thought I’d be seeing a man drowned on dry land. (Gaff lights up his lantern) There we go, now we can see what we are doin’.
BADOOCHI: What the? What are you doing?
GAFF: What’s that lad? Still with us are ya? Now here’s a quandary. What do you think I should do? Tell Duncan?
BADOOCHI: I don’t want that fatty anywhere near me. I heard what he was saying when I was in the tank
GAFF: I’d have to agree with you there Badoochi. Good of you not to bring Duncan into this. Now, shut up, pucker up and take what’s comin’ to ye.
With one loud, echoing crack Badoochi’s life is ended.
PREST: “Get thee to a nunnery. Why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners? I am myself indifferent honest, but yet I could accuse me of such things, that it were better my mother had not born me”
HECKLER 1: Get off!
HECKLER 2: Piss off you maggot!
CHARLIE: grunts
In which Elijah angers Duncan
DUNCAN: Oh my God, what is he doin’ up there?
Enter Elijah breathless
ELIJAH: Duncan, Duncan. I am so sorry. How’s it all going?
DUNCAN: Very, very badly. Why weren’t you here earlier Elijah?
ELIJAH: Oh Mr Mordekai, I don’t know what to say. I went and purchased a pie from Oatblowers stall and I’ve spent the last two hours bent double over a cess pit. My stomach feels like I’ve swallowed acid.
DUNCAN: (shouting)Silly boy! Oatblowers pies are not for a system so delicate as yours. I ate two in a go once and hallucinated for the rest of the week! Now be a good boy and get your bloody costume on!
ELIJAH: Mr Mordekai, don’t shout.
DUNCAN: (sighs)I’m sorry little one, It’s been a tough day, the worst of days. Come to my dressing room later and I’ll tell you all about it. Now run along and don’t make Duncan angry.
ELIJAH: Yes Duncan. I’ll be as quick as a hummingbird.
Exit Elijah:
DUNCAN: Oh Elijah.
Enter Hobnob
HOBNOB: Hoi! Mr Mordekai. I’ve been trying to find you. You weren’t in your dressing room.
DUNCAN: What? Hobnob! What’s your problem?
HOBNOB: I’ve come for my money lord bless you. My son and I finished up with the sign nigh on an hour ago and my supper will be getting cold by now.
DUNCAN: Ah yes, your payment. Come with me to my office.
HOBNOB: Are you feeling alright Mr Mordekai? You look a bit…troubled.
DUNCAN: No Hobnob. I’ve never felt better. After you. Alright Hobnob, take a seat and we’ll sort you out. Help yourself to a glass of rum.
Knock on the door
DUNCAN: Who is it?
GAFF: It’s me Captain.
DUNCAN: Come on in Gaff. Me and Hobnob were just talking about his pay.
GAFF: Oh aye? Just come to tell you that I’ve finished the job.
DUNCAN: Well done Gaff. I hope it wasn’t too messy.
HOBNOB: I must say Mr Mordekai, it’s quite a place you’ve got going here. I saw a bit of the Great Badoochi. Looked very dangerous.
DUNCAN: Yes…very.
HOBNOB: Bound to be a few teething problems isn’t there. Do you have clowns here Mr Mordekai?
DUNCAN: What do you mean by that?
GAFF: Duncan, he was only…
DUNCAN: I suppose you want those evil bastards in here too. Do ya? Do ya? I’ll tell you something Gaff. There’s not a lot old Duncan’s afraid of in this world. I’ve seen and done some bad things, but the painted ones are not to be trusted. Never, never ever!
GAFF: (worried) Sorry Duncan, I’d better be off, the boiler needs an overhaul.
DUNCAN: Stay where you are. Now, Hobnob, tell me a bit more about…about…
HOBNOB: Clowns?
DUNCAN: Yes, carry on.
HOBNOB: Well, you’ve got to admit that having them around certainly cheers the atmosphere up a bit.
DUNCAN: Yes…
HOBNOB: Funny red noses and all. I used to go to the circus quite a lot up North. ‘course, Charlie was only a bairn back then. He used to love the clowns, probably make a good one himself. What do you think Mr M?
DUNCAN: Funny-red-noses?
HOBNOB: Could I have my pay now please? Charlie will be worrying about me, can’t leave him on his own for too long on his own or he forgets who he is.
DUNCAN: ‘Course not, we wouldn’t want Charlie left all alone now would we. Here you go Hobnob. Here’s your money. Oops! I’ve dropped it. Could you pick it up for me? I’ve got this old wound in my leg from India see, and I have a problem bending down.
HOBNOB: Of course I will, what’s this? these aren’t coins.
DUNCAN: Gaff, can I borrow your Betsy for a minute?
GAFF: sighs Aye Duncan.
Clang…clang, clang
DUNCAN: You filthy little bastard. You come in here demandin’ money and then tell me I need those painted demons in my theatre?
HOBNOB: I’m so s-s-sorry, I’ll go now.
DUNCAN: Gaff. Door.
the door slams shut
HONOB: Please, for Charlie’s sake. I’m all he’s got.
DUNCAN: Too late! You should’ve kept your mouth shout, whining money grabbing wretch!
HOBNOB: But I said nothing wrong…I only wanted…
DUNCAN: Said nothing wring? Oh, but you did. You said the C- word didn’t you. I won’t have those filthy! (clang) dirty! (clang) Whoresons! (clang) in… my… house! Get it? (Clang) See what you get? You see what you get you filthy sack of shit? You want some more? (breathes heavily)
GAFF: He’s dead.
DUNCAN: You what?
GAFF: He’s dead Duncan.
DUNCAN: He’s dead?…Then take him down!
